Police Report: Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine Assaulted in Alleged Carjacking

Police have reported that Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine, a well-known member of the local community, was assaulted during an alleged carjacking incident yesterday evening. According to eyewitnesses, Mr. Coristine was accosted by a group of individuals while returning to his vehicle in a parking lot.

The assailants reportedly demanded the keys to Mr. Coristine’s car and when he refused, they physically attacked him, leaving him with several injuries. Fortunately, nearby witnesses were able to intervene and alert the authorities, who arrived on the scene shortly after.

Mr. Coristine was taken to a nearby hospital where he received medical treatment for his injuries. The police are currently investigating the incident and are working to identify and apprehend the suspects involved in the alleged carjacking.

Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine has been a prominent figure in the local community for many years, known for his charitable work and contributions to various causes. The news of his assault has shocked and saddened many in the community, who are rallying together to show support for him during this difficult time.

As the investigation continues, the police are urging anyone with information about the incident to come forward and assist in bringing the perpetrators to justice. They are also advising the public to remain vigilant and take necessary precautions to ensure their safety in light of this troubling event.

Our thoughts are with Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine and his loved ones as they navigate this challenging situation. We hope for a swift recovery for Mr. Coristine and that the perpetrators of this senseless act are swiftly brought to justice.